Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.

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• Ambrose Bierce:

  Debt, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.

• Ambrose Bierce:

  Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.

• Ambrose Bierce:

  Learning, n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.

• Ambrose Bierce:

  Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.

• Ambrose Bierce:

  The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff.

• Ambrose Bierce:

  Liberty: One of Imagination's most precious possessions.

• Ambrose Bierce:

  Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.

• Ambrose Bierce:

  Cabbage: a familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.

• Ambrose Bierce:

  Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.

• Ambrose Bierce:

  Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slav