All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.

Next quotes

• Fred Allen:

  An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.

• Fred Allen:

  California is a great place to live if you're an orange.

• Fred Allen:

  During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have small men enjoyi

• Fred Allen:

  If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race.

• Fred Allen:

  Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday a

• Fred Allen:

  My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.

• Fred Allen:

  Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own makin

• Fred Allen:

  What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.

• Fred Allen:

  Television is the triumph of machine over people.

• Fred Allen:

  I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement.