Apple took the edge off the word 'computer.'

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• Steve Jobs:

  I've done a lot of things I'm not proud of, such as getting my girlfriend pregnant when I was 23 an

• Steve Jobs:

  Of all the inventions of humans, the computer is going to rank near or at the top as history unfold

• Steven Wright:

  Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

• Steven Wright:

  I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Re

• Steven Wright:

  I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking', but I don't have that much time.

• Steven Wright:

  Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time... I think I've forgotten this before.

• Steven Wright:

  I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.

• Steven Wright:

  I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and wh

• Steven Wright:

  My mother is from another time - the funniest person to her is Lucille Ball; that's what she loves.

• Steven Wright:

  I laugh all the time - at things, people, stuff, whatever. But, I don't laugh onstage because then