Bologna is a deli meat for people with eyes.

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• Mitch Hedberg:

  Do you think I am standing here, making this up as I go? I am sorry to disillusion you. I am not Ro

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• Mitch Hedberg:

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  I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.

• Mitch Hedberg:

  I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.

• Mitch Hedberg:

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• Mitch Hedberg:

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• Mitch Hedberg:

  I like Kit-Kat, unless I'm with four or more people.