Everyone wants to be liked; everyone wants approval. No one likes being ignored.

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• Daniel Mallory Ortberg:

  Did you know that, pound for pound, the moose is the leanest ruminant on Earth? It's true. Moose ar

• Daniel Mallory Ortberg:

  It's an unfortunate reality of life that toxins are constantly building up in our bodies.

• Daniel Mallory Ortberg:

  My history teacher could make us feel like he was imparting rare gossip to us when he was talking a

• Daniel Mallory Ortberg:

  Anything where I get to write a lot of jokes and have a lot of creative control - that's all I want

• Daniel Mallory Ortberg:

  The Toast's audience is about 30-35 percent male, which shocked me because I would say that we acti

• Daniel Mallory Ortberg:

  My parents are both pastors. In the '80s and '90s in the mainstream Christian world, it was not rea

• Daniel Mallory Ortberg:

  When I was twenty years old, I had gum grafts put in.

• Daniel Mallory Ortberg:

  It's so, so awful for my entire body and my spine and my hands, and I have a perfectly good desk to

• Johnny Simmons:

  Sometimes I feel I have no idea what I'm doing as an actor. I just did a tape for the TV remake of

• Johnny Simmons:

  I'm so freaking happy when I talk to people who saw 'The Greatest.' I love that movie. It was the m