I don't want to hear any more women talk about how they want to be... mermaids.

Next quotes

• Iliza Shlesinger:

  The amount of garbage that women are expected to put up with - we're just expected to ignore when a

• Iliza Shlesinger:

  My hair is just like five pieces of very soft straw that needs managing. I touch my hair a lot, and

• Iliza Shlesinger:

  It's always nice to be paid to be in Las Vegas.

• Iliza Shlesinger:

  I don't think anyone leaves Las Vegas rejuvenated, their skin shining, their bank accounts glowing.

• Iliza Shlesinger:

  Whenever I play Las Vegas, they always give you a suite, and it's really nice, and it always comes

• Iliza Shlesinger:

  Getting on stage and screaming at all Republicans does nothing more than isolate people.

• Iliza Shlesinger:

  You can make people laugh, but having them really want to hear what you have to say, that takes tru

• Iliza Shlesinger:

  I've never been a dirty comic.

• Iliza Shlesinger:

  Everybody has their cross to bear, and everybody has their issues. But it still never once occurred

• Iliza Shlesinger:

  My only agenda is trying to make you laugh and say something smart.