I know a way for no Americans to die in Iraq: Leave.

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• Ralphie May:

  The comedians I always loved and respected the most were always filthy degenerates.

• Ralphie May:

  When I was up for the film 'Dreamcatcher,' to play the role of an overweight kid, I was told I'm to

• Ralphie May:

  I've had people hate me for my appearance. I think it gets me a certain level of empathy with the a

• Ralphie May:

  I've been shortchanged and overlooked my whole life. And if you boo-hoo about everything, that's al

• Ralphie May:

  My jokes aren't predicated on my weight that much. I talk about it some, but it's definitely not th

• Ralphie May:

  I've had allergies since I was a kid.

• Ralphie May:

  I know I wanted to be a comic when I was nine. I was thirteen the first time I did it. I was attend

• Ralphie May:

  I see the absurdity in things, and I think it's my job to point it out.

• Ralphie May:

  I grew up in a little town in Arkansas called Clarksville and it was a weird existence, you know? I

• Ralphie May:

  I go out and I meet people after the show, I take every picture that they ask for, I sign every aut