I was the class podiatrist. I never made it to class clown. I wasn't funny enough. I would examine feet and prescribe and ointment. It was a sad childhood.

Next quotes

• Gilbert Gottfried:

  I'm used to explaining to people why my jokes were funny.

• Gilbert Gottfried:

  A lot of people who claim they're political comedians are just comedians who have opinions. But the

• Gilbert Gottfried:

  I always feel that most political jokes, if you're going to do them, you have to do them within the

• Gilbert Gottfried:

  I find Washington audiences are basically the same as every other audience; they watch me and go, '

• Gilbert Gottfried:

  With the Internet, if you erase something it just means you have to spend another half-minute to fi

• Gilbert Gottfried:

  Reality TV has totally destroyed soap operas. They're gone. They used to be the biggest thing in th

• Gilbert Gottfried:

  Off-camera, I sound like Perry Como.

• Mercedes Ruehl:

  I find there's almost no place to put an award that one's quite comfortable with.

• Mercedes Ruehl:

  I'll be with The Goat until the fall. Then I've been given three plays to look at and there have be

• Mercedes Ruehl:

  Writing of that caliber spoils you for any other kind of writing for awhile. But that's probably go