I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

Next quotes

• Steven Wright:

  Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.

• Steven Wright:

  For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them

• Steven Wright:

  I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... pe

• Steven Wright:

  I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it ou

• Steven Wright:

  I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

• Steven Wright:

  I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

• Steven Wright:

  I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fa

• Steven Wright:

  If God dropped acid, would he see people?

• Steven Wright:

  If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

• Steven Wright:

  It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.