If a person feels he can't communicate, the least he can do is shut up about it.

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• Tom Lehrer:

  It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years.

• Tom Lehrer:

  The Army has carried the American ideal to its logical conclusion. Not only do they prohibit discri

• Tom Lehrer:

  I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up.

• Tom Lehrer:

  Irreverence is easy - what's hard is wit.

• Tom Lehrer:

  I went from adolescence to senility, trying to bypass maturity.

• Tom Lehrer:

  Political satire became obsolete when they awarded Henry Kissinger the Nobel Peace Prize.

• Tom Lehrer:

  I'm not tempted to write a song about George W. Bush. I couldn't figure out what sort of song I wou

• Tom Lehrer:

  I wasn't really a performer by temperament.

• Tom Lehrer:

  Laughter is involuntary. If it's funny you laugh.

• Tom Lehrer:

  I didn't feel the need for anonymous affection, for people in the dark applauding. To me, it would