If Mr. Einstein doesn't like the natural laws of the universe, let him go back to where he came from.

Next quotes

• Bill Hicks:

  I'm not really a heavy smoker any more. I only get through two lighters a day now.

• Bo Burnham:

  Once a week, I like to slip into a deep existential depression where I lose all my sense of oneness

• Russell Brand:

  I'll not be changing, but America will.

• Paul Lynde:

  Someday I'm going to go onstage in a dress if I want to.

• Stephen Fry:

  When you've seen a nude infant doing a backward somersault you know why clothing exists.

• Joey Diaz:

  I'm a stand-up comic, but I also have ideas, and I want to get them out. People think getting in fr

• John Belushi:

  I owe it all to little chocolate donuts.

• Jim Gaffigan:

  Manhattan's probably one of the bluest parts in the country, and Indiana's definitely one of the re

• Nicole Byer:

  I just woke up one day was like, 'People know you're fat whether you have a cardigan on or your arm

• Bill Maher:

  It's all been satirized for your protection.