I'm not saying my mother didn't like me, but she kept looking for loopholes in my birth certificate.

Next quotes

• Les Dawson:

  The mother-in-law came round last week. It was absolutely pouring down. So I opened the door and I

• Les Dawson:

  The wife's run off with the bloke next door. I do miss him.

• Les Dawson:

  Take my wife... please. I'm not saying she's ugly, but when she went to see a horror film, the audi

• Les Dawson:

  The way prices are rising, the good old days are last week.

• Les Dawson:

  My mother-in-law's so fat that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand she throws it.

• Les Dawson:

  My lad chewed and swallowed a dictionary. We gave him Epsom salts - but we can't get a word out of

• Les Dawson:

  I discovered the wife's got asthma. Thank God - I thought she was hissing at me.

• Les Dawson:

  I don't mind what the critics say, so long as I get some reaction. The worst thing is to be ignored

• Les Dawson:

  You do something you're really quite proud of, and the public doesn't like it. Then you do somethin

• Stan Getz:

  A good quartet is like a good conversation among friends interacting to each other's ideas.