Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finish up.

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• Les Dawson:

  I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussaud's Chamber of Horrors, and one of the attendants said: 'Ke

• Les Dawson:

  I need to give affection and love, because without that, I wither. I need to give that love to some

• Les Dawson:

  How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another... What's funny to yo

• Les Dawson:

  I'd like to thank the BBC for allowing me to work here. And I'd like to thank the wife and kids for

• Les Dawson:

  I've just had some bad news. Tomorrow is the mother in law's funeral. And she's cancelled it.

• Les Dawson:

  I went to the doctor last week. I said: 'Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?' He said: 'Wh

• Les Dawson:

  I toyed with the idea of playing Ravel's 'Pavane pour une infante defunte' but I couldn't remember

• Les Dawson:

  Mind you, I've always been musical... Mother used to sit me on her knee and I'd whisper, 'Mummy, Mu

• Les Dawson:

  My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind.

• Les Dawson:

  I'm often accused of saying some pretty rotten things about my mother-in-law. But quite honestly, s