Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.

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• Rita Rudner:

  Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-imag

• Rita Rudner:

  I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.

• Rita Rudner:

  I'm a very simple person. I'm very shallow. Shallow, simple, easily pleased: that's me.

• Rita Rudner:

  I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.

• Rita Rudner:

  If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.

• Rita Rudner:

  I just love dogs, and there really is no better companion than an animal.

• Rita Rudner:

  I don't like when there's too much conversation because I'm shy and it makes me uncomfortable.

• Rita Rudner:

  I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country;

• Rita Rudner:

  The logic was, there weren't too many female comedians, so I thought I might as well try a field th

• Rita Rudner:

  I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.