My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.

Next quotes

• Steven Wright:

  I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

• Steven Wright:

  I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

• Steven Wright:

  I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

• Steven Wright:

  When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

• Steven Wright:

  If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

• Steven Wright:

  I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

• Steven Wright:

  George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.

• Steven Wright:

  I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop

• Steven Wright:

  I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.

• Steven Wright:

  I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.