Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner's inquest.

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• H. L. Mencken:

  The worst government is often the most moral. One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and hum

• H. L. Mencken:

  Every man is his own hell.

• H. L. Mencken:

  A bad man is the sort who weeps every time he speaks of a good woman.

• H. L. Mencken:

  Every man sees in his relatives, and especially in his cousins, a series of grotesque caricatures o

• H. L. Mencken:

  Judge: a law student who marks his own examination-papers.

• H. L. Mencken:

  There is a saying in Baltimore that crabs may be prepared in fifty ways and that all of them are go

• H. L. Mencken:

  Before a man speaks it is always safe to assume that he is a fool. After he speaks, it is seldom ne

• H. L. Mencken:

  In the duel of sex woman fights from a dreadnought and man from an open raft.

• H. L. Mencken:

  The chief contribution of Protestantism to human thought is its massive proof that God is a bore.

• H. L. Mencken:

  Nevertheless, it is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.