Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.

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• George Carlin:

  Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

• George Carlin:

  Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster tha

• George Carlin:

  There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

• George Carlin:

  Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

• George Carlin:

  May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

• George Carlin:

  The status quo sucks.

• George Carlin:

  What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?

• George Carlin:

  Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

• George Carlin:

  The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves,

• George Carlin:

  Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.