I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems.

Next quotes

• Dave Barry:

  Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is

• Dave Barry:

  Skiers view snowboarders as a menace; snowboarders view skiers as Elmer Fudd.

• Dave Barry:

  Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything.

• Dave Barry:

  Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is reading

• Dave Barry:

  We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this

• Dave Barry:

  My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible.

• Dave Barry:

  Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.

• Ambrose Bierce:

  Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.

• Ambrose Bierce:

  Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.

• Ambrose Bierce:

  Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal w