I would show up at a party for Al Qaeda if you said there's going to be a dinner.

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• Gilbert Gottfried:

  You never know what people will choose to be offended by.

• Gilbert Gottfried:

  I'd make Jack Benny look like a philanthropist.

• Gilbert Gottfried:

  I was the class podiatrist. I never made it to class clown. I wasn't funny enough. I would examine

• Gilbert Gottfried:

  I'm used to explaining to people why my jokes were funny.

• Gilbert Gottfried:

  A lot of people who claim they're political comedians are just comedians who have opinions. But the

• Gilbert Gottfried:

  I always feel that most political jokes, if you're going to do them, you have to do them within the

• Gilbert Gottfried:

  I find Washington audiences are basically the same as every other audience; they watch me and go, '

• Gilbert Gottfried:

  With the Internet, if you erase something it just means you have to spend another half-minute to fi

• Gilbert Gottfried:

  Reality TV has totally destroyed soap operas. They're gone. They used to be the biggest thing in th

• Gilbert Gottfried:

  Off-camera, I sound like Perry Como.