Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.

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• Ambrose Bierce:

  Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.

• Ambrose Bierce:

  Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows.

• Ambrose Bierce:

  Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age.

• Ambrose Bierce:

  An egotist is a person of low taste - more interested in himself than in me.

• Ambrose Bierce:

  Bigot: One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.

• Ambrose Bierce:

  Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

• Ambrose Bierce:

  Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.

• Ambrose Bierce:

  Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic

• Ambrose Bierce:

  To be positive is to be mistaken at the top of one's voice.

• Ambrose Bierce:

  Bacchus, n.: A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk.