Comedians are never really on vacation because you're always at attention... that antenna is always out there.

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• Bob Newhart:

  All I can say about life is, 'Oh God, enjoy it!'

• Bob Newhart:

  I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like

• Bob Newhart:

  When you're going for a joke, you're stuck out there if it doesn't work. There's nowhere to go. You

• Bob Newhart:

  I've been told to speed up my delivery when I perform. But if I lose the stammer, I'm just another

• Bob Newhart:

  I really don't know what makes a comedian. I think it's a family background and environment. Yet if

• Bob Newhart:

  I worked in accounting for two and a half years, realized that wasn't what I wanted to do with the

• Bob Newhart:

  I was not influenced by Jack Benny, and people have remarked on my timing and Jack's timing, but I

• Bob Newhart:

  Well I was much too practical to presume to have a career in comedy.

• Lenny Bruce:

  In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.

• Lenny Bruce:

  If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electri