I like to hold the microphone cord like this, I pinch it together, then I let it go, then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once.

Next quotes

• Mitch Hedberg:

  I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

• Mike Tyson:

  God lets everything happen for a reason. It's all a learning process, and you have to go from one l

• Mike Tyson:

  I want to rip out his heart and feed it to Lennox Lewis. I want to kill people. I want to rip their

• Mike Tyson:

  When I was in prison, I was wrapped up in all those deep books. That Tolstoy crap - people shouldn'

• Mike Tyson:

  My biggest weakness is my sensitivity. I am too sensitive a person.

• Mike Tyson:

  I think the average person thinks I'm a nut and I deserve whatever happens to me.

• Mike Tyson:

  I'm the biggest fighter in the history of the sport. If you don't believe it, check the cash regist

• Mike Tyson:

  People are going to say what they say. I know sometimes I say things; I offend people.

• Mike Tyson:

  I'm just like you. I enjoy the forbidden fruits in life, too.

• Mike Tyson:

  I feel like sometimes that I was not meant for this society.