I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.

Next quotes

• Henny Youngman:

  What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

• Henny Youngman:

  Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little

• Henny Youngman:

  I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

• Henny Youngman:

  My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

• Henny Youngman:

  Take my wife... Please!

• Henny Youngman:

  I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.

• Henny Youngman:

  Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

• Henny Youngman:

  While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

• Henny Youngman:

  A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.

• Henny Youngman:

  A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one