I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

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• Rodney Dangerfield:

  My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly t

• Rodney Dangerfield:

  One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.

• Rodney Dangerfield:

  I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.

• Rodney Dangerfield:

  I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

• Rodney Dangerfield:

  I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror pu

• Rodney Dangerfield:

  At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he stil

• Rodney Dangerfield:

  Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he d

• Rodney Dangerfield:

  I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

• Rodney Dangerfield:

  If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.

• Rodney Dangerfield:

  Life is just a bowl of pits.