I try to only eat animals that are vegan. I'm probably the opposite of a vegan.

Next quotes

• Jim Gaffigan:

  I'm from Indiana. I know what you're thinking, Indiana... Mafia. But in Indiana it's not like New Y

• Jim Gaffigan:

  Ever read a book that changed your life? Me neither.

• Jim Gaffigan:

  I don't know, I find that honestly, the stand-up thing in some ways is a little bit of a cliche to

• Jim Gaffigan:

  There's something that's really fun about the challenge of making the mundane funny, too, I think.

• Jim Gaffigan:

  Comics write to their point of view. If you're an exceedingly irreverent comedian, you've got to se

• Jim Gaffigan:

  I worked on 'USA Today' as a topic for while. I tried to do something on hand chairs, chairs that l

• Jim Gaffigan:

  I'm a comedian, which is the opposite of a lifestyle that equips you to be a parent.

• Jim Gaffigan:

  Babies should be classified as an antidepressant. It's pretty hard to be in a bad mood around a 5-m

• Jim Gaffigan:

  There's something about being a parent that has, I think, made me a better comedian.

• Jim Gaffigan:

  I'm closer to Bob Newhart than Rodney Dangerfield.