I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going.

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• Rodney Dangerfield:

  I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.

• Rodney Dangerfield:

  I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

• Rodney Dangerfield:

  I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that

• Rodney Dangerfield:

  I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

• Rodney Dangerfield:

  I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wan

• Rodney Dangerfield:

  I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.

• Rodney Dangerfield:

  I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

• Rodney Dangerfield:

  I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man

• Rodney Dangerfield:

  I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

• Ron White:

  I don't do any corporate work.