My school days were the happiest days of my life; which should give you some indication of the misery I've endured over the past twenty-five years.

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• Paul Merton:

  On my first day in New York a guy asked me if I knew where Central Park was. When I told him I didn

• Paul Merton:

  Am I allowed to call myself working-class now? Because obviously I'm now very rich.

• Paul Merton:

  I remember being fascinated by the very nature of comedy from the age of 10; why is this funny, and

• Paul Merton:

  I looked at longevity in show business when I was about 13, and the people who seemed to have longe

• Paul Merton:

  I really don't take any interest at all in contemporary comedy.

• Paul Merton:

  I've never been disappointed by politicians. I've never invested that much in them in the first pla

• Paul Merton:

  I don't always vote in general elections, but I think I've always voted Labour.

• Paul Merton:

  Well, sanity, I suppose, is getting people to see the world your way.

• Paul Merton:

  When I wake up on a Monday morning and I realise I don't have to go and work at the civil service,

• Paul Merton:

  And like the old stereotype, I overcame my shyness by making my friends laugh.