Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

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• Erma Bombeck:

  Never have more children than you have car windows.

• Erma Bombeck:

  Never order food in excess of your body weight.

• Erma Bombeck:

  No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after thei

• Erma Bombeck:

  On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the

• Erma Bombeck:

  Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.

• Erma Bombeck:

  People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the sam

• Erma Bombeck:

  Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.

• Erma Bombeck:

  Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it

• Erma Bombeck:

  Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy.

• Erma Bombeck:

  Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gif