Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time... I think I've forgotten this before.

Next quotes

• Steven Wright:

  I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.

• Steven Wright:

  I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and wh

• Steven Wright:

  My mother is from another time - the funniest person to her is Lucille Ball; that's what she loves.

• Steven Wright:

  I laugh all the time - at things, people, stuff, whatever. But, I don't laugh onstage because then

• Steven Wright:

  My secret to staying young... Having no sense of time.

• Steven Wright:

  I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to

• Steven Wright:

  Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

• Steven Wright:

  Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.

• Steven Wright:

  Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?

• Steven Wright:

  I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.