Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.

Next quotes

• Steven Wright:

  A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

• Steven Wright:

  I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escal

• Steven Wright:

  There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalat

• Steven Wright:

  I invented the cordless extension cord.

• Steven Wright:

  My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

• Steven Wright:

  How young can you die of old age?

• Steven Wright:

  It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

• Steven Wright:

  I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

• Steven Wright:

  I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

• Steven Wright:

  There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.