I saw a human pyramid once. It was very unnecessary.

Next quotes

• Mitch Hedberg:

  I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs.

• Mitch Hedberg:

  I used to be a hot-tar roofer. Yeah, I remember that... day.

• Mitch Hedberg:

  I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying

• Mitch Hedberg:

  I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.

• Mitch Hedberg:

  I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.

• Mitch Hedberg:

  I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. T

• Mitch Hedberg:

  I'd like to get four people who do cart wheels very good, and make a cart.

• Mitch Hedberg:

  I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.

• Mitch Hedberg:

  I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.

• Mitch Hedberg:

  I'm gonna fix that last joke by taking out all the words and adding new ones.