If there is a God, his plan is very similar to someone not having a plan.

Next quotes

• Eddie Izzard:

  I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.

• Eddie Izzard:

  I wanna live 'til I die, no more, no less.

• Eddie Izzard:

  I'm a one-man idiot.

• Eddie Izzard:

  Never put a sock in a toaster.

• Eddie Izzard:

  They tend to come out a colour called 'Pants left in wash'

• Eddie Izzard:

  I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.

• Eddie Izzard:

  So the American government lied to the Native Americans for many, many years, and then President Cl

• Eddie Izzard:

  If you've never seen an elephant ski, you've never been on acid.

• Eddie Izzard:

  Boy bands should be exploded from a great height. They're just pretty people singing music written

• Eddie Izzard:

  MAC gave me 55 lipsticks to test. These are the same lipsticks I got caught stealing by the police