Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

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• Erma Bombeck:

  Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.

• Erma Bombeck:

  My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are

• Erma Bombeck:

  Never accept a drink from a urologist.

• Erma Bombeck:

  Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since yo

• Erma Bombeck:

  Never have more children than you have car windows.

• Erma Bombeck:

  Never order food in excess of your body weight.

• Erma Bombeck:

  No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after thei

• Erma Bombeck:

  On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the

• Erma Bombeck:

  Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.

• Erma Bombeck:

  People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the sam