Skiers view snowboarders as a menace; snowboarders view skiers as Elmer Fudd.

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• Dave Barry:

  Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything.

• Dave Barry:

  Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is reading

• Dave Barry:

  We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this

• Dave Barry:

  My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible.

• Dave Barry:

  Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.

• Ambrose Bierce:

  Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.

• Ambrose Bierce:

  Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.

• Ambrose Bierce:

  Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal w

• Ambrose Bierce:

  Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affa

• Ambrose Bierce:

  Land: A part of the earth's surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property subje