I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'

Next quotes

• Steven Wright:

  I haven't changed at all. I'm the same as when I was 11.

• Steven Wright:

  It's like the Wild West, the Internet. There are no rules.

• Steven Wright:

  There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, ve

• Steven Wright:

  Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - t

• Steven Wright:

  I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.

• Steven Wright:

  When I was 16... I worked in a pet store. And they fired me because... they had three snakes in the

• Steven Wright:

  I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I do

• Steven Wright:

  I don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be associated with

• Steven Wright:

  I just have a relationship with my imagination. It's like my friend, almost.

• Steven Wright:

  When I die, I'm gonna leave my body to science fiction.