Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

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• Erma Bombeck:

  For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy.

• Erma Bombeck:

  House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.

• Erma Bombeck:

  Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.

• Erma Bombeck:

  I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a s

• Erma Bombeck:

  I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a computer. It will only take so many f

• Erma Bombeck:

  I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've ne

• Erma Bombeck:

  I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a

• Erma Bombeck:

  I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.

• Erma Bombeck:

  Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It'

• Erma Bombeck:

  Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.