I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.

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• Erma Bombeck:

  I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a

• Erma Bombeck:

  I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.

• Erma Bombeck:

  Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It'

• Erma Bombeck:

  Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

• Erma Bombeck:

  Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.

• Erma Bombeck:

  My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are

• Erma Bombeck:

  Never accept a drink from a urologist.

• Erma Bombeck:

  Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since yo

• Erma Bombeck:

  Never have more children than you have car windows.

• Erma Bombeck:

  Never order food in excess of your body weight.