I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.

Next quotes

• Henny Youngman:

  My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?

• Henny Youngman:

  I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

• Henny Youngman:

  You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

• Henny Youngman:

  When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

• Henny Youngman:

  A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six m

• Henny Youngman:

  Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

• Henny Youngman:

  When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.

• Henny Youngman:

  When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

• Henny Youngman:

  My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

• Henny Youngman:

  The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.